I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
