forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
