my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
