plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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