I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Come on in and take your pants off
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