We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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