do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
