Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
