You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize