Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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