If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
