Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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