the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
