Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
