Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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