Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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