I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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