Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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