Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
