just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
