At least make sure they are 18
Why
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
