Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
