who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
