Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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