My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
