Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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