im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
