she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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