I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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