I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
