Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
