3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
