you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
