i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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