This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
