She is in my trunk
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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