he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
