Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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