It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
