She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
