do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
