You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
