I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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