I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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