Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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