How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
