My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
