either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I queefed so loud it echoed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
