Porn is love you can see.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize