john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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