..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
