put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
