So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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