so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
