My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
