she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
