Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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