dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
