So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My pussy is not your playground.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
