I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
