Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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