We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
