Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
