I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
