i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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