you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
