I seem to have left my pride at pride
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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