im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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