If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
