I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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