he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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