Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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