your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
