Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
