yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
