My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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