my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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