Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
