idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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