Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
