I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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