I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
